I Will Not Bow
by RoadkillHermes
Summary: Written to the Breaking Benjamin song by the same name. How does Neal feel after the events in the finale?


_Hello everyone! I was watching the mid-season finale and wondered what Neal was feeling. I was listening to Breaking Benjamin and this song just seemed to fit with what I was feeling. I'd like to say that I do NOT own either the song or the show. Everything in bold is lyrics and sorry for any misspellings. Enjoy and please, please, please leave me a review! This is my first White Collar Fanfic_

I'm leaning on June's balcony and trying to come to terms with the past few days.

This is too much for me to take. Peter just informed me that they found Mozzie, near death, on a park bench. Someone had shot him in the chest, searched his pockets and left him for dead.

All those people walking by and nobody saw a thing. They are taking him to the ER but it doesn't look good. What Am I to do?

**Fall!**

All the people that help seem to get hurt. Maybe I should give up my crusade for the killer. Sure I would die inside to stop and never find the truth but my friends would be safe.

**Now the dark begins to rise **

**Save your breath, it's far from over **

A dark cloud has been following me since I've left prison. It took my love and now it threatens to consume my friend.

When will it stop? Why did I have to chase after a ghost?

**Leave the lost and dead behind **

**Now's your chance to run for cover**

If I stop now so many lives will be safe.

Peter and his wife will never have to look over their shoulders because of me. Maybe I should let the dead rest and bury my grief in work.

**I don't want to change the world, I just want to leave it colder **

**Light the fuse and burn it up **

I'm dying inside and I don't even care.

The world is becoming a darker place and I don't care.

My world is falling apart and yet I still can't find the power to care.

**Take the path that leads to nowhere **

**All is lost again, but I'm not giving in...**

All my life I've coned people.

I've gotten close, become their friend and then left them high and dry never giving them a second thought.

Now someone is trying to destroy my life and I fell like all those people I have coned, high and dry with no friends to turn to.

But I can't think like this. Peter has my back. I have to fight. I will fight!

**I** **will not bow, I will not break**

**I will shut the world away **

**I will not fall, I will not fade **

**I will take your breath away **

I will not let some unknown person come into me life make me their puppet. I will cut the strings that this person has attached to me and I will find them.

I will become a force of nature; no place will be safe for them.

They wanted to play with me, well then they shall have to play by my rules.

**Fall! **

Nothing will stop me now. If I must I will even cut my anklet and run. I cannot let them win!

**Watch the end through dying eyes **

**Now the dark is taking over **

I can feel something shifting in me, changing.

In a way the old innocent Neal is dying and new darker Neal is emerging from the depths.

I am changing and I do not know if it is a good thing, only time will tell.

**Show me where forever dies **

**Take the fall and run to heaven**

My world is crumbling; coming apart at the seams but that is all right. I shall build a new on.

Nothing lasts forever and even the world must end. But I shall build a better world, one were no one is hurt because of me. One were death is turned away.

**All is lost again, but I'm not giving in... **

My thoughts return to Mozzie and I'm reminded what I'm losing so that I may fight on.

Is it worth it? Will I ever find the truth?

I must find it, even if it kills me.

**I will not bow, I will not break **

**I will shut the world away **

**I will not fall, I will not fade **

**I will take your breath away**

Death shall no longer hold fear over my heart.

I will forge ahead and know that if I die, I die fighting for the truth.

If Peter knew what I'm planning he would lock me up not because of what I'm planning, but because he couldn't stand to see me get myself killed.

**I will not bow, I will not break **

**I will shut the world away **

**I will not fall, I** **will not fade **

**I will take your breath away**

Again I feel the shifting inside me and I know once this change happens I can never go back.

I will be forever changed and I will have to live with that ever day.

But I will not bow under the pressure of such a change. I will take it and shape it into something useful.

**And I'll survive, paranoid **

**I have lost the will to change **

I know that I will forever be looking over my shoulder, looking for the killer, but I must not let Peter find out.

To him I cannot change. I must be the con man with the smile and wit. I must forever be that person he first caught.

**And I'm not proud, cold blooded, fake **

**I will shut the world away **

Shame swells in my heart at the thought of having to deceive someone who has become my best friend.

I had never wanted it to happen but some how we grew close and now I must close that door and lock it so that I can continue ahead.

I'm a con man and can fake anything, but the truth is I was never faking our friendship.

**Fall!**

Somewhere deep inside me I know that somehow he will find out.

My plan will come to light and instead of being mad like a normal person should he will want to help me.

But I can't let him. He has too much to live for.

I turn inwards to try and find comfort, but all I do is fall into darkness.


End file.
